The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
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