The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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