you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
