Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
