I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
