she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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