I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
