Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
