In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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