They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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