I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
