The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
