stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
