Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
