i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize