You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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