Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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