I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize