FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
