the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
