I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
