Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize