people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
