Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
