I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
