3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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