So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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