I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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