why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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