I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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