I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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