im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize