i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
