His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
