there's paper in my vomit.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
