Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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