You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
