I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
