so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
