he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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