probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
