I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
