I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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