Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
