upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize