Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
