turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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