Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
