I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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