I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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