Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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