i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
