Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
