There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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