Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
