Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
