In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
