wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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