I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
