they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
How naked do you want me to be?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
