dude i'm inner monologue high
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
