I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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