FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
