Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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