We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
