Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize