Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
