PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
