You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
