YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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