Already got asked if we're dating
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
