So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
