so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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