if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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