Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
