you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you traded sex for a burrito?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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