I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
