why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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