Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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