I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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