You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
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