Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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