Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
