it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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