We won't sleep together?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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