I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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