i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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