He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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