I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
