Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
