Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
