She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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