Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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