Nicole vs. Life
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
