we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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