So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
