Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
