some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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