May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
