I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
