Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
