That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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