if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
