the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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