Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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