The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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