A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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