I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
