I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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