If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
