What a fucking waste of an outfit
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
