Don't EVER smell your tampon
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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