I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
