I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
