it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize