I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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