We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
