I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
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